Why Would I Want to Follow the Lives of Famous People?

This is important to me. I am in the process of writing a book, a memoir of my experiences with depression and anxiety, amongst other subjects. I am drawing the material from diary entries, chapbooks, and poems I have written over the years. This poem was published by Selcouth Station in October last year. it is one of two longer mental health poems I have written. Whether I will self-publish this book, or find a publisher for it, or if it will be 50 pages or 500, or if it will take me 23 years or 53 to write I do not know. It is a slow and steady process. 

photo of dried roses
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Why Would I Want to Follow the Lives of Famous People?


 

 

i used to be baffled by Twitter

why would i want to follow the lives of famous people?

more than likely it was my desire to belong
which lead me to sign up

and after that
Twitter
Facebook
Blogger
Tumblr
WordPress
Linkedin
Instagram

before all of that
a computer was in the front room
and that is where it stayed
Laptop’s were shared between siblings
Nokia’s were used for distraction – games
and a BBM was sent via Blackberry
i remember when the computer suite was opened
in school with much publicity
now it’s a given
there will be computers in every classroom

i would take long walks as a teenager
i was solitary
after a school day ended
i needed to clear my head

i was out for hours
rain or shine

i liked the way my muscles would ache –
i felt that I was growing stronger

i have mental health problems

perhaps social media
pushed open that door further

i never used to doubt myself so much

the anxiety festering

what am i missing

who am i not comparing myself with

brought in from the outside world
to the one with optical illusions

easily led by the
wrong influences

i have withered,
and wilted

my soul has died a little
in blackouts, vodka, and violence

allowed myself to be the puppet

had the imperious curse cast on me

and what i need now
is the time
and space
to clear my head
and grow

your concerns were not mine

i didn’t want them

i never did.


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2 thoughts on “Why Would I Want to Follow the Lives of Famous People?

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