Every poem in Masquerade by Cyrus Parker I want to put my arms around and embrace. As somebody still discovering their identity I can relate all too well to Parker’s words. I enjoyed this book more than their first book, as I felt I could relate to the poems more.
Fixer-upper
self-confidence is built in layers, the same way a house begins
with bare bones before becoming a home: and just as each house has its own layout,
there isn’t only one set of blueprints, one right way to build self-confidence.
sometimes it starts from the inside out as one learns to love themselves, and
sometimes it starts from the outside in as one projects the person they hope to be.
sometimes, you have to tear everything down and start over from the ground up.
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I was thinking about enrolling on a part time college course in maths and English next year. People say you shouldn’t compare yourself with other people, but … I feel I will never catch up with my peers. I left school at fifteen. I hated the place, I was so depressed suicide was on my mind twenty-four seven, and naturally I got zilch in terms of qualifications. At that time you start thinking about what you want to do for a career, going to uni and writing your CV I wasn’t. Depression was telling me all kinds of shit and I didn’t see I had a future. So now I think uni is gone, I’ll never get to go to uni even if I wanted to and as for a career, lol. I’m not too optimistic I will be hopping from one low paid job to another until I retire at ninety-nine.
Of course, I know I can still achieve my goals, there’s no time limit etc but it’s hard to believe that. Mental illness has fucked up a good solid ten years of my life and I’m not going to get those years, those opportunities back. What do I do from here?
College seems a logical step.
It’s strange because I grew up with my parents and my teachers telling me how smart I was and how well I was doing with my schoolwork. This was down to two things, one I couldn’t get enough of reading books, and two I loved doing my homework. It means I’m a knowledge sponge and can retain a good amount of knowledge. I don’t think this makes me smart though. I feel like I’ve been betrayed by all those adults, telling me a load of crap. Especially as when in secondary school my grades fell off a cliff and suddenly those same people were piling in on me, asking why I wasn’t being ‘good’ and basically doing as I was told. Like any teenager, I was trying to be my own person. I ended up concealing a lot of who I was, wanted to be and that’s why I don’t really know who I am, or who I’m supposed to be performing for anymore. Depression stigma means you get quickly labelled as trouble.
I know this is petty and I was lucky I had a good upbringing in that I didn’t want for anything, but I would trade my books for a life where I’m emotionally in a good place, and living my best life (T) or … would I? I don’t know. Anyway I want to go to college. I said this last year and I wimped out. I’m terrible at committing to anything because I overthink everything and when I’m getting too close to things I distance myself. But my maths is terrible and I need to do something because
Melissa Toppen is a Bestselling Author specializing in New Adult and Contemporary Romance. She is a lover of books and enjoys nothing more than losing herself in a good novel. She has a soft spot for Romance and focuses her writing in that direction; writing what she loves to read.
Melissa resides in Cincinnati Ohio with her husband and two children, where she writes full time.
Lost Girl Holly Kammier
(A Shelby Day Novel)
Published by: Acorn Publishing
Publication date: January 5th 2020
Genres: Romance, Suspense, Young Adult
“Lost Girl is a compulsive thrill-ride that reads as if it’s been pulled straight from the headlines. Kammier’s journalism background brings undeniable authenticity to a novel that has it all – a love story, a murder mystery, and a real-life introduction into the distinctive world of television news.”
—CAROLINE MITCHELL,
NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR
An appalling act of violence and an unsolved double murder.
Small-town investigative reporter, Shelby Day, is determined to hunt a killer.
As her search draws closer to uncovering the twisted truth, she begins receiving ominous warnings to stay quiet and drop the story. The young journalist is in danger. Her cameraman and best friend, a person with his own secret past, says he wants to protect her. But Shelby is headstrong and dodging anything that could lead to love. She can’t allow anyone to distract her as she fights for the two women who deserve justice.
She never expects along the way she’ll have to stop and save herself.
Tick tock… If Shelby doesn’t solve the crime soon, she’ll become the killer’s next victim.
Co-owner of Acorn Publishing, the UCLA honors graduate is an accomplished content editor/writing coach (her authors have gone on to become USA Today best-sellers and a New York Times best-seller). With a background in journalism, Holly Kammier has worked everywhere from CNN in Washington, D.C. and KCOP-TV in Los Angeles, to the NBC affiliate in small-town Medford, Oregon.
She is the best-selling author of the novel, Kingston Court (Acorn Publishing 2015), and Could Have Been Hollywood, a memoir. Holly recently published her third book, Choosing Hope, a harrowing story of passion and deceit, and the things we do for love. Her next novel, the YA Romantic Suspense, Lost Girl, is scheduled for release in early 2020.
Holly resides in her hometown of San Diego, California, close to family and friends. An avid reader with a passion for timeless books and beautiful writing, she also enjoys long walks, romantic movies, and pink peonies.
a photo of your breakfast plate – post having eaten
all that is left are traces, crumbs, a crust, a sliver of yolk, arranged so that the light through the curtains makes it spark up like a fire as it rests on the coffee table –
a lazy Sunday –
egg sandwich, nap, channel hopping and a roast dinner towards evening
Photo Kate Louise (C) 
