This week’s, no last week’s, meal plan. This was a success. Because I have had depression, it is difficult to reign in eating sandwiches and crisps and it makes making a choice what to have for dinner hard too. With the meals written down, it feels like a commitment and is a closed choice. You know, those are the choices, pick one or the other. It’s flexible, I haven’t eaten all these meals this week. Because there were leftovers to be eaten. I had spag bol for breakfast. It was delicious. I live with my boyfriend. There’s two of us. Our weekly shop usually comes to eighty or ninety pounds.
With this meal plan as well, I have been able to eat vegetables. With depression, you don’t tend to reach first to fill up on vegetables. So I mashed cauliflower into the potatoes and with the pasta sauce I chopped up carrots, celery and onion. I figure if you can chop them up small enough, veggies are adept at hiding in sauces and potatoes. Mash needs some flavour, otherwise it’s like eating clouds or wet paper. Not that I enjoy eating cauliflower, I should have got broccoli. I confuse the two. My go to meal is baked beans, bacon, eggs and waffles. That can be cooked in fifteen minutes. It doesn’t take too long to eat. It’s filling. Not too painful. Of course, if you – like me have a ton of washing up to do and have no cooking utensils to hand, cereal and yogurt are another one of my go to’s.
When it comes to liquids, I do buy bottles of water. I know it’s terrible for the planet, but it is easier to stay hydrated when depressed when you can grab a bottle from the fridge. I do own a refillable bottle, and obviously with depression the effort required to clean, fill and refrigerate it can be beyond me. I do use it when I can. Alcohol is something I try to not drink when I am depressed. Like I say, I try. I admire those who can have one drink and then stop. I know there are a lot of lockdown drinking memes around. Plenty of people quipping, ‘I’ll have a drinking problem when I get out of lockdown!’ And the truth of it is people may well have become alcohol reliant in current circumstances. That’s the thing with alcohol, it starts as one drink of an evening and then can become two or three into the night. Never mind the damage inflicted on your body in the short term during this lockdown. As I mentioned earlier some people can have one drink, and humour is what people use to cope. Even if it is inappropriate, it is in my eyes – but if you haven’t experienced addiction and alcoholism, then it won’t be. I think alcohol is a poison and is like knocking back paint stripper or similar concoctions that are found in the shed with a large warning sign on the side of them. In any case, it certainly does not help depression.
I used to be the person like water?! It’s disgusting and naff. No thank you. Now I am advocating people drink water. I have grown.
made a banging Shepherd’s pie the other day. i was thinking how a year & a bit ago i wouldn’t have gone near the kitchen. my bf would make dinner or it would be sandwiches or a takeaway (i used to eat way too much fried chicken) bk then i was struggling to have the confidence to make scrambled eggs. what’s changed other than my realising i needed to make changes to be health -ier & making the effort, even when i wanted to run for the hills, far far away from the kitchen. the kitchen where i was probably making too many mistakes & getting measurements wrong & thinking this is going to taste like crap & why do i bother & this is stupid. then i started looking at recipes & thinking maybe, maybe. then it was omlettes. i love eating omlettes when i’m in Portugal & bk home even my bf was stumped at how you make them. my early omlettes was fucking awful. i mean how you can fuck up cooking a few eggs, who knows. eggs do their own thing anyway, most of the time. now i’m cooking things that have more than two ingredients to keep an eye on & have less basic instructions to ’em. i don’t know what im meant to deduce from this, apart from –
✴️ habits are hard to start & require patience at first ✴️ you don’t have to believe in yourself to start, you need the desire & whatnot ✴️ my anxiety tells me a lot of bs ✴️ some activities like cooking are what they are & you can be in the present moment & not be looking too far ahead or too far bk ✴️ fucking up can be fun, it isn’t the end of the world ✴️ if you want to do something, do it & don’t be looking for someone else’s approval
written by Kate @k_lpoetry
p.s if you’re looking for a new read, 12 micro-poems in Pocket Poems from my Payhip store
I have had a poem titled mum doesn’t think depression exists “it’s a state of mind, of attitude” in the latest issue of Ghost City Press review. It’s a poem from the point of view of somebody who suffers from depression and takes in symptoms, stigma, and when it lifts temporarily. Here is the link
the hollowed emptiness feels as if it is something you walk around with solely tasked with trying to fill it
I also set up a Patreon account and you can become a patron for $2 and receive Patron only access to my new poems, edited poems, draft poems and poems from works in progress. The link for that is here
Third bit of news is I have mastered the art of cooking an omelette.
They aren’t visual masterpieces, but they do taste like an omelette. I have never been a cook, I used to hate cooking, but you can’t live on junk food and live to a grand old age, can you? Or be happy either. No-one really likes leftover noodles for breakfast, do they?
It’s May! Warmer weather is hopefully on its way. Everything is blooming. And I won’t have to wear at least five layers of clothing.
This week I have been out and about. Four times! (I think. I update my records very sporadically)
Some good stuff that has happened this week:
On a couple of occasions I haven’t wanted to go out and I started to feel anxious, which usually makes me roll over and admit defeat. Not this week. I found my shoes and went outside.
I went clothes shopping. I spoke about that in my blog post here before. I wanted some clothes that I actually feel good in and I’m not constantly tugging on and trying to hide the parts of me I don’t like. I have never been happier with a two pound tshirt!
I ate an orange this week too. I cut it into quarters and the taste was so hydrating. I’m still thinking about that orange! 🍊😂
Speaking of food I only ate one takeaway this week. I’m normally a fuck it let’s order something person. But takeaway food is like a one night stand. Seems good at the time, then in the morning you’re looking at it in the cold light of day and 😷
(That’s a poor analogy. Sorry)
I feel sorry for my partner eating the same crap I do. I wouldn’t like to inflict my terrible eating habits on him. No one deserves that!
Also, I would love to have some more readers for my book Here comes the Sun. I would be so happy if you could check it out on Amazon Barnes&Noble or The Book Depository. It’s summery, and in it I talk about relationships, my anxiety, connections and changes. It has many poetic insights. It has 60 pages. Even if you could just share a link or something with any other readers you think may be interested I would love that!
Do share in the comments what good stuff has happened for you this week!