The Concept of Happiness


There are a few people I follow on Instagram who claim to be happy. Over the last few weeks I have come to think how are they happy? How do you be happy?
I am happy in moments, but my fine grip on routine and consistency means everything is fraught with worry. Recognising when I am in a moment of happiness is all well and good but then I ask what about, what if, what happens after etc.
It’s amazing to think of people being consistently happy. Living every day on an even keel. I cannot imagine the confidence that would give you. In fact, it makes me a little afraid to think about being happy. What if you lose it again? How difficult is it to keep a hold of?
I imagine happiness on a weekly, monthly basis must be normal. To be in a state of not thinking about the pitfalls. A person safely lodged into their own routine, amongst their friends, doing their own thing.

Any thoughts on this? How do you feel about being happy?


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Here comes the Sun 🌞 Book Birthday

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I wasn’t going to celebrate this, but then I usually try to avoid such things, like celebrating my own birthday, and publishing your own book is an achievement, so my poetry chapbook Here comes the Sun is one today! I spent a large part of June in 2017 working on this chapbook, before uploading the file onto Createspace. The poems were written whilst I was travelling in 2016. I left home, my boyfriend and I were travelling, living in hotels, and having a good time. The book has gotten some great reviews from readers. I value reviews so much. The feedback helps me to be a better writer, and on days I am not motivated can really raise spirit.

I also want to thank Jennifer Patino for her review of my other book La La Love.

La La Love hands out small poetic doses with each turn of the page. Katie Lewington’s voice and style are enough to cause an addiction. This collection is personal, but doesn’t give away all of the poet’s secrets. Instead the reader is presented with beautiful skimmings of surfaces until the closing lines of each poem, where Lewington successfully brings our minds to a much deeper climax. Excellent poetry.

I am now going to talk about my writing routine.

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I have usually written my poems, ad hoc in most cases, and when I see a theme emerging I work on compiling those poems. With Here comes the Sun that theme was travel. I had the poems all handwritten, and I started to edit the the poems, and to try to put them in an order that made them sit comfortably into the context of the book. I didn’t want to put, for example, two poems about the beach together that would have not moved the reader in the same way if they had read them two, three poems apart.
There was one poem, which I liked, that I cut from Here comes the Sun. I didn’t feel it had enough substance to it. These decisions have to be done, but they are not easy. Editing is a difficult part of the process. As I get older I see the value in doing so, and orchestrating the book in a way it will get the right emotional responses from its reader.
I then get the completed book read by my boyfriend. He’s so smart, and knows about everything, so I feel my poetry is in safe hands. I wait for a yay or nay (his feedback is literally that succinct) With his support I feel more confident about my new book.
I think any writer feels a bit fragile after writing their book. Best to have a short nap afterwards.
That is pretty much it, compiling, editing, and feedback. Of course, the time between steps can be weeks, months, or years. I tend to procrasinate around the editing part. That’s where a lot of the living happens and I have to make the time inbetween that to work on my writing: fixing errors, changing titles, making sense of my scribbles etc.
It can be lonely as well. For all of social medias faults it has made it easier for writers to confab with each other about their craft, which I think is pretty awesome.


Continue reading “Here comes the Sun 🌞 Book Birthday”

What do we actually want?

How many of us follow the paths that were pointed out to us by society? The things we are told to want; to go to university, to get a well-paid job, to get married, to have a nice car, to have children, etc.

But what do we actually want?

Not knowing what I want has been a huge contributing factor in my mental health problems. I became ill when I was thirteen with depression. I grew up, leaving school to eventually join a college. The people in my life over this period, say the last ten years, I’m twenty two now, were trying to help me be a member of society, via the usual ways, rather than actually getting to the roots of my health problems. Teachers in school and college wanted me to get through exams, the support worker at Connnexions wanted to get me on a training course so I could get a job, my parents wanted me to get a job so I could pay them rent, my boyfriend at the time wanted me to be sexy, and be a trophy on his arm, the job Centre wanted me to get a job so I wouldn’t be on benefits anymore. These were my support network; but at no point did my happiness come into question, because as a society I don’t think we’re taught to be happy.

The childhood football kick abouts, the race to the corner shop to buy an ice lolly on a hot day, bike rides, and dancing and singing along to the Top Forty on the TV fall to the wayside. These are hobbies that remind us to live in the moment, to be present. But we’re lead to believe that they are frivolous, even our guilty pleasures.

During this period it was a relentless drive to find money, to be perfect, to be successful, to be functional. The stress was unbearable.

I was brought up to be a ‘good’ girl. I have always felt obliged to do as I am told. That being top is the only way to be. Perfection is total. I don’t come from an affluent background. My family are undereducated, working class, and wanted for me what they hadn’t had.

My mental health festered as a I have to be good enough mantra. My existence was validated on the approval of others.

A support network is crucial. You cannot be your own best friend at all times, and when we beat ourselves up about something we need our friends. Friends remind us to laugh about a situation. They soften the blow.

We should be honest with ourselves. What is it we want? Once we know we have to align that with how we get there. We have to be honest with our support network and say this is my path.

Look beyond the obvious. If people are telling you it’s not possible figure out how you can make it possible.

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