A few of the things that fuck up my social anxiety & how i deal with them.

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Social anxiety can leave you housebound, bored, frustrated and late paying bills.

LIST

A few of the things that fuck up my anxiety.

First of all, ill fitting clothes. Anxiety makes me feel like everyone is watching me. If I’m panicky and panting like a thirsty pony then I feel everyone is avoiding coming anywhere near me. Like crossing the street level avoidance. Anxiety also messes with my body temperature, so I could go out in a t-shirt in November and I would feel warm. Comfort is key. I personally would go out in my slobbing around the flat clothes if I didn’t want to, you know, keep up appearances.
Roads. Traffic lights. Buses. I live in a town that is dominated by roads, unfortunately. The traffic lights make me nervous. So nervous. Cars make me equally as nervous. Especially as drivers don’t seem to have any consideration for the people crossing the road and pay no attention to the stop signal. It would make anybody nervous! Funnily enough I love trains, and airports. Probably because there is a bit more pause time.
Noise. I’m an extremely sensitive person. Noise unnerves me to the point where I want to melt away and disappear. Why is the world so noisy!? Shut up, people. Civil tongues, stop yelling. Honestly, I avoid going out at three when the kids come out of school because there’s nothing worse than a bunch of kids mucking around on their bicycles and screaming at each other.
People. Oh, people. I love people. Certain people. The world is made up of billions of people. But people on paths, having to get past them, passing them, small talk with the ones that have adorable children that have run into me, or cute dogs that sniff my shoes, leaping out of the way of people on skateboards, people with their shopping. People. I cannot control people. The unknown of what these people might do scares me. Like, the possibilities are unknown. And … also outlandish and unlikely to happen.

THAT MIDDLE BIT

Basically then, if there were no roads, traffic lights, buses, noise, or people I would be living in paradise. Do you know of such a place?
As you can imagine the very thought of leaving the flat can make me have second thoughts. So I tend to go out before I start thinking. Shower, eat, bag packed the night before, outfit picked out the night before, get my shoes on and go. Acclimatise as I go. Mindfulness can help too. Think of something as it is and how good it would feel to get it over and done with. Nobody wants that Monday to do list to stretch to Friday because your TO DO LIST WILL BE LONG AND UNMANAGABLE.
Last year I spent an enormous amount of time indoors but have taken those experiences and developed an iron will. I am determined to spend more time out of the flat (not entirely convinced why. After all in here I have ice cream, books, and my sofa)

CASE STUDY

I have recently developed a habit of washing EVERY DAY. Some days I could barely get out of bed and if I did I would get back into it fairly quickly, let alone wash. But after many months I have a habit that makes it impossible for me to not wash. I have to wash. This blows my mind, but it’s true. I have observed the making of a positive habit. It’s very different to breaking a negative habit, but ho hey. If I can make a habit of going out every day I would say my quality of life would have improved.

CONCLUSION

I say this not to brag, but to give assurance and hope. Things can change. Things can change without you noticing. Sneaky. To be honest, if you have a lot going on you aren’t going to notice you’ll just think everything is shit everything is going to shit everything is always going to be shit I’m shit why is everything so shit shit shit shit. therefore, you don’t immediately notice the small shifts that things are improving.
What are your thoughts?
Do you have any methods to manage anxiety?


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Lunchtime Review. Peeking Cat 🐱 Poetry Magazine. The April Issue. Editor Sam Rose ( @writersamr )

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As always with Peeking Cat there is a varied selection of poems and stories from writers in Scotland to Bangor. I like the travel theme in this issue, particularly as it is coming up to *that* time of year.
The Rush to Relax by David Attree is a delightful rhyming poem on the experiences of travel: what to do with your hoodie, have you got your passport, luggage weight, the body scanner, and so on. Twelve Dark Days of Summer by Michelle Wray is a sombre depiction of a gloomy outdoor scene, of which us in the UK are quite used to. There are also song lyrics in A First Broken down Valise by Chris Rogers, an excellent prose piece in A Study of Frowns by John E. McBride, and a sobering story His Mistress by Rafael Pursley, in gardens, with flowers, used as metaphors for a troubled relationship.

Another fantastic issue of Peeking Cat Poetry Magazine.

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Four Questions with Nicholas Trandahl @PoetTrandahl

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Nicholas Trandahl

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1, Tell us about you, and your writing (themes, influences etc.)

 

A1: I’m a family man (a husband to a lovely talented woman and a father to three young daughters), and I work as a newspaper reporter. I’m an Army veteran, outdoorsman, and poet published by Winter Goose Publishing.
My writing is simple and largely observational. I tend to write poetry about what I see and feel. That runs the gamut from nature, travel, camping, fishing, food, drinks, strangers, mental health, dreams, sex, spirituality, books, etc. In short, I suppose I’ll write about any facet of my life.

2, What are some of the ways in which you promote your work, and do you find these add, or eat into, your time writing?

A2: I promote my poetry and author brand through the regular social media platforms, and I don’t shy away from paying for advertising once in awhile and running giveaways for my books. I think I sell most of my work, however, through directly networking with readers and through events like book signings.
I don’t actually find marketing and promoting eating into my writing time. I don’t necessarily like marketing my work or promoting it but that’s the fact of modern publishing and writing. As for my writing time, I write anywhere and everywhere so I don’t find my writing time ever infringed upon really.

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3, What projects are you working on at present?

A3: Well, my latest poetry collection with Winter Goose Publishing hit shelves at the end of March so I’m in a marketing campaign for that. I’m always editing my poetry and writing new poems. Im currently at work on the manuscript for my 2019 collection, “Echoes in the High Country”.
At the end of April I’ll be attending a 2-day poetry workshop where I’ve been invited to read poetry and sell some books. I also have other book signings scheduled for “Think of Me”.

4, What does poetry mean to you?

A4: To me, poetry means a hell of a lot. It’s how I properly express myself, calm myself, and show readers the world around them that they might not be noticing.

 

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Nicholas Trandahl presents a stark and authentic work with his newest collection, Think of Me. Stories and observations rife with melancholy, adventure, and naturalism are displayed in the simple and honest verse he’s known for. Through this sincere poetic style, Trandahl informs us all, no matter our background, that the ordinary is actually quite extraordinary.

Nicholas Trandahl is an Army veteran and newspaper reporter that lives in the high country of Wyoming with his wife and three daughters. His poetry has appeared in numerous journals and anthologies, and his collections “Pulling Words” and “Think of Me” have been published by Winter Goose Publishing. His third collection with Winter Goose is scheduled to release in 2019.

My thoughts on Drift Stumble Fall by M. Jonathan Lee @MJonathanLee @HideawayFall

 

 

 

Publisher: Hideaway Fall

Release Date: April Eighteenth 2018

Average Rating: 4.5/5 🌟

The author of five novels, M Jonathan Lee is a tireless mental health awareness campaigner, working closely with organisations including Mind, Time to Change and Rethink and blogs regularly for Huffington Post. Having personally experienced anxiety and depression during his life, Jonathan draws on his experiences to inform his writing.

Richard feels trapped in his hectic life of commitment and responsibility. From the daily mayhem of having young children, an exhausted wife and pushy in-laws who frequently outstay their welcome, Richards existence fills him with panic and resentment. The only place he can escape the dark cloud descending upon him is the bathroom, where he hides for hours on end, door locked, wondering how on earth he can escape.

Often staring out of his window, Richard enviously observes the tranquil life of Bill, his neighbour living in the bungalow across the road. From the outside, Bills world appears filled with comfort and peace. Yet underneath the apparent domestic bliss of both lives are lies, secrets, imperfections, sadness and suffering far greater than either could have imagined. Beneath the surface, a family tragedy has left Bill frozen in time and unable to move on. As he waits for a daughter who may never return, Bill watches Richards bustling family life and yearns for the joy it brings. As the two men watch each other from afar, it soon becomes apparent that other peoples lives are not always what they seem.

 

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There’s something quite ethereal about the way M. Jonathan Lee writes. I have read two of his books now. You sit with one of his books, never knowing what is going to happen in between the pages. In part I think this is because its synopsis never seem to fully encompass the depth of which Lee goes into relationships, the family unit, and mental illness. He writes very well. In many ways his books make me think of Tony Parsons or Nick Hornby, in the charming banality of life, whether that be Sunday lunch with the in laws, or the way children mispronounce words.
If you like a book with pace Drift Stumble Fall isn’t for you. This book will make you tear out your hair.
Lee builds up a picture, with intrinsic details, and then shuts that down with a devastating finish. The picture he creates, with the nuances of human behavior, is the kind of thing that fascinates me.
The ending of Drift Stumble Fall is class. Especially in these times of social media I think many of us draw comparisons from those around us, and Lee’s end to Drift Stumble Fall reminds us that we should not always presume the grass is greener on the other side.

 

 

 

(Photos are from Pixabay.com. If you click on the photo it will send you to the photographer’s page. Book Photos are my own and cannot be used without my permission)